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Thursday, March 4th, 2004
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10:42 pm - I love you...
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In my whole life, nothing has ever hurt so much...
current mood:  crushed
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| Monday, January 19th, 2004
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10:59 pm - just something i need to get off my chest...
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For one thing, I'm really getting annoyed with the kids who think that just because I'm listening to metal now along with hardcore, assuming that I've totally given up on hardcore and don't even like it anymore. What the fuck? where do they get off saying this to me? When I live breath and bleed hardcore. I don't fucking know. I guess it's agianst the rules of the hardcore scene to branch out and listen to other genres as well, Fuck might as well say i've given up hardcore for grundge as well since i like the melvins and nirvana. What the fuck ever. I'm just sick of haveing to hear this shit. And then, to top that off, the metal kids i know get all bummed out cuz i like hardcore alot more than metal. There is no pleasing anyone.
Secondly, I'm tired of people thinking I have all of a sudden found a religion to follow when I talk to them about eastern religions enthusiastically. I haven't faound religion. I'm still an atheist. I just like to learn about the philosophys and practices of the worlds religions. I'm not going to be the type that says "fuck religion, there is no god." But i am in no way, praying to the heavens and shit. Plus, I find eastern religions very compleing and iteresting to learn about. And I meditate now becuase of what i have learned. I guess that is why some people think i practice zen or taoism, or buddhism. I've got news for those people, YOU DON"T HAVE TO BE A MEMEBER OF THE "FAITH" TO PRACTICE MEDITATION!!! but everyone seems to be convinced of the opposite. I meditate to relax and clear my mind of all that is stressful. And it works if it's done right. BUt no matter what I say all these people are still going to think what the fuck they want to think and i'm still going to have to put up with it. Cuz that is how things work and I have to deal with it. Thats all for now....
Xstraight edgeX
current mood:  annoyed
current music: champion
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| Sunday, December 21st, 2003
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8:54 pm
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I'm fucking sick of people man, fuck everyone i work with. Everyone is soooo fucking buddy buddy and friends and shit, but when i roll up they all shut the fuck up, let alone how badly they treat me like i'm a moron or fucking something. whatever fuck them. they can all die in a car wreck or something for being such pricks. THe only really cool person that works there is ani, and she's gone for to weeks, which sucks even more, cuz now i have noone to talk to. I think i should exile myself from human kind. stop socially interacting, stop recognizing peoples existences and only talking to people when it's neccessary. with the exception of the few people who i really care for and can count on as my true friends, i think i'll do this. Ohh and by the way, dan if you read this give me a call man, i have no more phone cards and i've missed you a fucking shitload, i wanna talk to you man. thats it for now. i'm going to listen to records. fuck the world, i'm looking out for myself...
Xstraight edgeX
current mood: enraged
current music: rage in my head
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| Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
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12:06 am - finally after a year....
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Man o man o man, I was waiting so long for that moment to come. Finally a decent hardcore show for me to enjoy. I went and saw total fury at the smell on the 6th. I must say anytime i've seen a band from japan play live they always seem to make bands from the u.s. look like a bunch of weaklings. I was finally able to do wildman stagedives and go insane, after a year of patient waiting. I am happy about this. And cold sweat is playing the 30th. So there will be more of me going nuts.
Second cool thing about this show, I was super thrifty about what records i bought. No boring crust, generic grind, or bandwagon thrash/hardcore. And being this thrifty one would expect to find nothing good considering these things are what is mostly sold at shows. But i came out on the upper hand. i scored the following:
septic death discog. l.p.- $7 (skips on one song)
necros discog. l.p. $10 (skips on afew tracks)
spazz/romantic gorilla split l.p. (has some scratches) $7
insted "bonds of friendship" l.p. (o.g. press) $12 (can go for hundreds on ebay)
histeria 2 comp. l.p. $7 (I only got this comp for the scholastic deth tracks, maybe vitamin x and p.i.t.f.)
jellyroll rockheads "intense and mild" e.p. $3
cut the shit "harmed and dangerous" c.d. $7
I almost feel bad for the fucker who sold me the septic death bootleg for 7 dollars but then i think how much i hate alot of hardcore kids and realize that it's his own fucking loss if he didn't know what he had. idiot. that spetic death record goes for mad bank on ebay 50 bones at least. and i got it for 7. And the guy who sold me instead and the necros. I actually have respect for, he knew what he had cuz i talked with him about it, i asked him how on earth he could sell records like this for so cheap and he said he didn't want them to be like auction items. So, like i said, much respect to the guy for keeping hardcore cheap, but at least having the integrity to know what he had and charge a bit more than 8 bucks for the l.p.'s.
In other news, I am once again working. It's interesting so far. Today was my traing day and i'm incredibly confused about everything. But i'm adaptive so i'm positive I'll get the hang of shit.
And one of my best friends dan came down and visited me for 4 days. I loved the whole time. I really miss him now. my room felt so empty after he left. dan, if you read this you need to come back here and live here, you can sing for vyo and everything. deal ? ehhhh? ehhh?
on a downside, i'm really upset that ani is going on a 2 week trip to mexico within the next two weeks. I hope i don't cry, i know that won't help her feel better about the whole thing.
thats it for now.
Xstraight edgeX
current mood:  curious
current music: cut the shit (i'm finally hearing this damn band)
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| Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
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10:21 pm - survey cuz i'm to lazy to update
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*What....*
-What do you think of the way you look?: fairly attractive, I'm not a hideous creature of hell or anything
-What do you think about life after death?: I think reincarbnation is a posibility, but who really knows what comes after
-What do you think about love?: It can be amazing and it can hurt so much, double edged sword. But i like it much
-What do you think about fate?: it is possible
-What do you think about your self?: way to many bad things
-What do you think about your first love?: she is an amazing person
-What are you scared of?: there's so many things, it's impossible to even begin
*The Dream Side of You*
-Do you dream a lot at night?: yes
-Do you dream in black and white, or color?: both
-Do you remember any of your dreams?: yes
-What is your dream job?: Owning my own succesful record store/ hardcore venue
-Do you believe that your dreams are a gateway to your soul?: I'm not sure, some of my dreams have depth but others are pretty linear.
*Do you...*
-Do you write in a journal or diary?: yes i do, i have a serious journal then this thing
-Do you keep an organizer?: no
-Do you believe in love at first sight?: hell no
-Do you believe that every person has one soul mate: no
-Do you believe in yourself?: mostly no
-Do you cry easily?: no
*Online*
-How much time do you spend online?: I'm wasting my time right now aren't I. Prolly three or 4 hours evey week
-Who are your best friends online: dan the man
-Real life best friend: I lost most of my decent friends a long time ago, they became so disappointing, The coolest people i know though that i see alot, prolly mike, danny, and manny
-Favorite Website: Nationstates.net
-Have you ever met anyone in real life?: I will be seeign dan soon
-Do you buy things: can you say Ebay?
*Favorites*
-Favorite day of the week: saturday
-Favorite movies: shit, this question is way to hard. some of my chart toppers are taxi driver, resevoir dogs, any bruce lee movie, the shawshank redemption and the 3 matrix's
*When you hear ___ you think of..*
-Bread: bread
-Silver: fork
-Baseball: baseball jersey
-Jeff: sylvia's man
-Dog: my dog from when i was a baby, shauna.
-Warm apple pie: mmmm pie
-Socks: shoes
-Clown: stephen kings "IT"
-Giant Eagle: the backs of quarters
-A nun: cradle of filths picutre where the nun is masterbating with an upsidedown crucifix. HAHAHA
-The number 69: the sexual position
-School: V.C.
*Relationships*
-What is your sexual preference?: heterosexual
-Boyfriend/girlfriend's name: Ani Lopez
-Crush: julia stiles
-Where does that special someone live?: In oxnard
-Things you like in the opposite sex: The mental capacity to carry on a significantly itelligent conversation, Beautiful, boobs that aren't the size of fucking cantelopes eewwww gross. About a million other things to that i don't feel like typing.
-Which is more important: everything but, it is crucial that they like hardcore and are edge. CRUCIAL
*Creative Q's*
-If you could be doing anything right now, what would you be doing?: TOuring with my fantasy hardcore band, that everyone loves the shit out of and goes completely nuts for us live.
-Would you ever share your heart completely with someone else?: yes, if they can gain enough of my trust
-Do you prefer sleeping outside beneath the night sky, or your cozy bed: mmmmmm, my bed is my only friend
-Name one person whose changed your life for the better: there are afew, and it's personal, i don't want to say
-What is one thing that can make you smile no matter what mood your in? INFEST, and my cousin kristi, she would beat up anyone for me.
*Numbers*
-Number of times I have been in love: one
-Number of hearts I have broken: I don't think any
-Number of drugs taken illegally: I'm fucking edge, NONE
-Number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friend?: None, maybe one or two. And that is a big maybe
-Number of piercings: none
-Number of tattoos: none
-Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: none
-Number of scars on my heart: 3
-Number of people that have made me scared of what they could do to me physically: 2
-Number of things in my past that I regret: soo soooo many
*Favorites*
-Favorite Scent: HAHA not sure, never really thought about it
-Do You Wear Make-Up?: nope
-Which is more important, personality or looks?: both are important, i'm not going to lie, the first thing you notice is how pretty someone is. You can't tell what someone is about just by looking at them, but Personality takes over after initial attraction.
-What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl?: this is a way o complex question to go into right now
-Do you move fast or slow in a relationship?: slow
-What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl?: see personality question
-Would you ever ask someone out?: yes
-Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: brunettes, but julia stiles doesn't count she's a pretty blonde
*Love, Life & Friends*
-What is the first thing you notice about somone?: almost everything, mostly their manuerism
-What do you want to be when you grow up?: sociologist, religions expert
-Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: no
-How far have you gotten?: Well, i'm still a virgin if that means anything
-Do you like someone right now?: yes
-Do they know?: duh, i love ani
*Do you like to...*
-Do you like to give hugs? yes
-Give back rubs?: yes
-Take walks in the rain?: yes
-Do you ever have one of those falling dream?: no
-What is on the walls of your room?: posters, flyers, pictures
-When you chew gum, what kind?: don't matter it's all gum
-Do you use chap stick?: when my lips are chapped
*In the last month have/did you...*
-Drink?: Normail frosty beverages yes, Alchohol, fuck no
-Smoke?: Fuck smoking
-Drugs?: Fuck Drugs
-Have Sex?: no
-Made Out?: yes
-Go on a date?: yes
-Go to the mall?: yes
-Eaten sushi?: no
-Been on stage?: no
-Been dumped?: no
*More stuff*
-Are you popular?: I don't think so, but some random people know who i am and it's weird
-Are you pretty?: I'm average
-What is your favorite word to say: there are far to many in my extenisive vocabulary
-What is your favorite phrase to say?: see above, but calling drinks frosty beverages all the time makes me smile
-what are you doing right now?: wasting time on the computer
-What song are you listening to?: "fetch the pliers" -INFEST
-What are you wearing?: Mortician shirt, double knee cell phone pocket dickies
*past*
first grade teacher's name: I have no clue
last word you said: "Talk to you soon" on the phone with dan
last song you sang: "sick of talk" -INFEST
what's in your cd player: in my house, exodus and where fear and weapons meet. In my car, goatwhore
what color socks are you wearing: black
1. what's the story behind your dj username? don't have a dj
2. name five [5] of your favorite foods: burritos, pasta, vegan pizza, veggie burgers, thai food
3. have you ever had a makeover? No
4. name all members of the beatles: i hate the fucking beatles
5. what's the longest time you've stayed out of the country/where? never left the country
6. one thing you're grateful for today: Ani, and jacking a new record needle!!!
1.Have you ever stalked a member of the opposite sex?: no
2. What is the weirdest thing you have ever thought of while kissing (etc) someone?: I don't think about anything but the kiss, I love kissing so much, it's a really important thing for me
3. If you had to sleep with a cartoon character, who would it be?: this is a strange question, hmm.
4. How many people have you kissed?: 3
5. Tell us about your first kiss. Make it embarassing & juicy, please: no way
7. Favorite underwear on the opposite sex?: see through stuff, mmmm
8. Favorite body part(s) on the opposite sex?: neck, the chest, stomach, little places on the body that i can't really explain. ahhh to much stuff
9. Body part you have been most complimented on by the opposite sex?: eyes and nothing else
10. Stupidest thing ever done under the influence?: trying alchohol, that was the stupidest thing I've ever done, i regret that big time
11. Let's pause for a Fight Club moment - "So," Tyler asks you, "who would you fight?": adolf hitler, and a bunch of fuckers who piss me off
12. Karma: cosmic payback or crock of shit?: your Karma effects what will happen in your next life, not the one you live in now.
13. Stupidest thing you have ever said to a member of the opposite sex?: lots of things
15. So you're singing along in the car, being all rock-star and getting down with the boogie, and you realize the people in the car next to you are staring. Whaddaya do?: keep fuckign rocking!!!
16. Have you ever indecently exposed yourself in public?: no
18. Have you ever been given any embarassing, demeaning, pornographic, or otherwise amusing nicknames? russell the love muscle (fuck that pissed me off)
19. Where are you ticklish? yes
20. & finally, if you could be anyone on Gilligan's Island, who would it be?: I hate gilligans island
current mood:  complacent
current music: INFEST
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| Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
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11:53 pm - more wasted time...
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Last Car Ride:: in my car when i was buying my bro a video game
Last Good Cry:: not in a long time, but i think it would be good if i shed a tear soon though, things start to well up after a while
Last Library Book checked out:: the communist manifesto
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:: the matrix revolutions
Last Book Read:: harry potter and the order of the pheonix
Last Movie Rented:: ten tigers of shao-lin
Last Cuss Word Uttered:: shit
Last Beverage Drank:: jarritos tamarindo
Last Food Consumed:: veggie buffalo wings
Last Crush:: julia stiles
Last Phone Call:: ani
Last TV Show Watched:: haven't watched tv lately
Last Time Showered:: afew hours ago
Last Shoes Worn:: airwalks
Last CD Played:: god dethroned (burned copy mike gave me)
Last Item Bought:: Necrophobic "bloodhymns" c.d.
Last Download:: severed savior, off mp3.com
Last Annoyance:: so many things, and if i mentioned them i think i would get in trouble with lots of people
Last Disappointment:: There are so many I can't even begin to describe them
Last Soda Drank:: jarritos
Last Thing Written:: something in my personal journal
Last Key Used:: my house key
Last Word Spoken:: "I'm sick of everything like this"
Last Sleep:: 4:30-5:30
Last IM:: Becky
Last Sexual Fantasy:: i stopped having them, They were to hoplessly romantic, like falling in love, staring into eyes and all that stuff. I stopped having them cuz i would get depressed.
Last Weird Encounter:: when I saw this guy i burned bridges with a while ago at my ex-work
Last Ice Cream Eaten:: i hate ice cream now
Last Time Amused:: afew hours ago
Last Time Wanting To Die:: hmmmmm....interesting question
Last Time In Love:: ani
Last Time Hugged:: earlier by ani
Last Time Scolded:: not in the longest time
Last Time Resentful:: always
Last Chair Sat In:: computer chair
Last Underwear Worn:: boxers
Last Shirt Worn:: knife fight shirt (still wearing it)
Last Webpage Visited:: oldschoolhardcore.com
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9:47 pm - prolly going to be gone a while again....
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I think I'm going to exile myself from the computer again for a while, I remember now why I hardly ever signed on. There is absolutely nothing to do, and bad things happen when I sit for hours at the computer. One can go look at web sites and all that but i get tired of it so quickly. I just wish I could find something more entertaining in the world. I would read more, but i read alot as it is, with the exception of lately. I've been slacking off pretty bad on the reading thing. Only bad things come of sitting online all night long and wasting my time watching a screen. I don't know. I'll have to figure this out and think about it for a while. If i suddenly drop off the face of the earth again, and never update like before, you guys will know the answer. so long for now...
Xstraight edgeX
current mood: morose
current music: god dethroned
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| Monday, November 17th, 2003
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11:24 pm - You know, it never fails...
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I was doing good for a while now i'm back to feeling fucked again. I really don't like this. I think I need professional help or something. BUt on a lighter and more exciting note, My mother said it was cool for dan to stay here when he comes down to visit. SO I'M WAY FUCKING STOKED ABOUT THIS!!!! All that is needed is for my dad to ok it tomorrow and with the story I've got it's in the bag. WOO!!! Ok thinking about dan has made me feel a bit better. I think I should try and give him a call and let him know the goings on.
current mood: confused
current music: bane (grindcore/death metal bane, not the shitty boston one)
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5:57 pm - This should be interesting if people fill it out...
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1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. Do you consider me a good friend?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Would you make a move on me?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Do I cross your mind at least 2 times a day?
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| Sunday, November 16th, 2003
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10:11 pm - hardcore bands from A-Z
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A- Attitude adjustment
B- Black flag
C- Circle jerks
D- D.Y.S.
E- Exclaim
F- Face of change
G- Gorilla bisquits
H- Hated youth
I- INFEST
J- Jellyroll rockheads
K- Knife fight
L- Larm
M- Minutemen
N- Negative Fx
O- Origin
P- Plutocracy (don't really like em but they were the only p I could think of)
Q- Quill
R- Reagan ss
S- septic death
T- Ten yard fight
U- Uniform choice
V- Void
W- What Happens Next?
X- X-claim (old boston hardcore label)
Y- Youth of today
Z- Zyclome A
I didn't have to much trouble with most of these. Maybe f,p, and x but thats it. I thought i would leave an entry again. And thanks to everyone who replied to the last one. That meant alot. I didn't think anyone bothered to read this anymore cuz i never update.
Today I had to fix my brakes for my car. IT was a real pain in the ass. I was looking for the tools to do it for half of the day. Really lame. I'm feeling a bit better since i last updated. which is good. I had really comforting conversations with afew people who really helped me out and made me feel a whole lot better. You know who you are. Thats all for now.
Xstraight edgeX
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| Friday, November 14th, 2003
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4:11 pm - Why can't I be more fucking Positive
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I am so envious of those who never have any worries or problems to think about. Not to say that those people don't have problems, I'm just envious of how happy their lives are and how nothing bothers them. I wish I could be positive and happy for once. Rarely am I ever sincerely happy. Rarely am I not worrying about something, or thinking about something that needs to be done, Or letting my neuroticism get the best of me all the time. Let alone how paranoid I can be about things. I just want to be genuinly 100% happy for once. This is not a cry for pity so don't think I'm whining. It's not like anyone other than andie actually read this thing anyway. Considering I never fucking update. And I'm probably going to have to deal with andie wanting to hit me or something because I'm saying these bad things about myself. But I need somewhere to vent and at the moment this is the only place I can go for it. I just want to be happy for once, actually not even happy I would be satisfied with just being content with life. But this hardly ever occurs for me. Will it ever I can only hope. But i go through everyday seeing people laugh and be with decent friends and smile. I get so jealous sometimes. But then again, if i were as happy as they were I may not be able to realize certain things. Like realism in situations. I don't know, my thoughts are all jumbled right now and I can't figure out how to put them into words adequatley. I'm just going to stop right now, sorry about this lame entry...
Xstraight edgeX
EDIT: I want to let the few other people that read this know i appreciate that they care also, dna and becky You guys fucking rule for responding to my post. It lets me know that afew people other than andie give a shit about how i feel.
current mood: cynical
current music: Knife Fight/ Internal Affairs
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| Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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10:19 pm - i'm still here
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just wanted to let everyone know i'm still alive. My foot is better now, which is good and my first day back at work is tomorrow, which is bad but i need the money. HOw is everyone?
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| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
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10:23 pm - quiz that has been copied and pasted....
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1. name = Russell Edge
2. height = 6'2"
3. shoe size = 11 1/2 guys
4. hair color = sandy brown/burgundy
5. length = short
6. siblings = 2
LAST...
7. movie you rented = Othello lawrence fishburn version for my english class
8. movie you bought = taxi driver on dvd
9. Song you listened to = track 8 on vader's "litany" album
10. Song that was stuck in your head = "through these eyes" by chain of strength
11. cd you bought = dimmu borgir " live album"
12. cd you listened to = minutemen "paranoid time"
13. person you've called = ani
14. tv show you've watched = The SS: himlier's mania (history channel)
15. person you were thinking of = dan singing for v.y.o.
DO...
16. you think about suicide = contemplation only, I've never actually wanted to attempt it. Just wondered what would come after. Human existence is so fleeting. (little nugget of philosophy)
17. you believe in afterlife? = potentially, different world religions believe in different forms of afterlife. Eastern religions aferlives seem more appealing than all this heaven/hell garbage in western religions
18. others find you attractive = I suppose it is a possibility. Usually it's hig school kids or teenie bopper mall girls ages 13-16. which is pretty gross. I wonder if anyone in my age group finds me attractive or if its just little girls. It pretty gross to kow that kids hve crushes on me. Makes me feel all creepy.
19. you want more piercings = i wnat to peirce the left side of my bottom lip
20. you drink = FUCK DRINKING!!!
21. you do drugs = FUCK DRUGS!!!
22. you smoke = AND FUCK SMOKING!!!
FOR OR AGAINST...
23. long distance relationships = I don't really like the idea. I think it would hurt to much to be away from someone you love for such a long time.
24. using someone = against
25. killing people = If i could get away with it, with no consequneces, i think alot of people wouldn't be around. Also, it's ok to kill someone if they are intending to kill you, self defense man.
26. teenage smoking = Really fucking stupid. I hate people who fucking smoke
27. premarital sex = Marrige is ridiculous. So i guess i'm for it, but i am against permiscuous sex. Thats bad.
28. driving drunk = If someone is stupid enough to do this, they deserve whatever they get.
29. gay/lesbian relationship = HELL FUCKING YEAH I'M FOR THIS!!!
HAVE YOU...
30. ever cried over a guy/girl = yes
31. ever lied to someone = HAHA yes
32. ever been arrested = i got a curfew violation once but that's doesn't mean shit
NUMBER...
33. of times I have been in love? = once (still and always will be no matter the outcome of the relationship)
34. of times I have had my heart broken? = twice
35. of hearts I have broken? = I'm fairly positive I haven't broken any, i'm usually the one who gets the broken heart
36. of drugs taken illegally? = ZERO
37. of people I would classify as true friends, that I could trust with my life = not many, maybe two or three people
38. of people I consider my enemies? = HAHA don't get me even started on this
39. of things in my past that I regret? = Alot, a whole lot
FAVORITE...
40. scent = this is a complex question. there isn't just one
41. word = same answer as the last question
42. eye color = brown, hazel, or deep black
43. flower = not sure, not to into flowers
44. piercing = lip
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
45. pretty = i'm ok, not great but ok
46. funny = alittle
47. hot = naw
48. friendly = if i want to be
49. amusing = not sure ask someone who knows me
50. loveable = i guess so, so i'm told (ANI)
51. pessimistic = VERY
52. optimistic = rarely
53. caring = yes
54. sweet = when i want to be
55. dorky = extremly
DESCRIBE YOUR -
56. Wallet = chian wallet with a picture of a skull and a tribal design on it
57. Hairbrush = don't have one
58. Toothbrush = crest
59. Jewelry worn daily = watch, bandanna on the wrist
60. Pillow cover = green
61. Blanket = dark grey
62. Coffee cup = rarely drink coffe
63. Sunglasses = don't have any
64. Shoes = airwalks
65. Handbag = backpack
66 Favorite shirt = my infest shirt
67. CD in stereo right now = the melvins "houdini"
68. What you are wearing now = adolecents t-shirt, dickies, and boxers
69. Make up = don't wear it
WHO or WHAT (was/is/are) -
70. In my mouth = The flesh ofthe living!!!
71. In my head = A skull full of maggots
72. Wishing = to see ani
73. After this = listening to records
74. Talking to = dan
75. Person you wish you were with = Ani, or myself
76. Something you're looking forward to in this up coming month = seeing nile and vader and amon amarth
77. Something that you are deathly afraid of? = there's alot of things
78. Do you like the taste of blood = I prefer brain, consiering i'm a zombie
79. Do you believe in love = yes
80. Do you believe in soul mates = not to sure on that one
81. Do you believe in love at first sight = no
82. Do you believe in God = i have no set belief, but eastern religions are more desireable that western. but as of right now i'm and athiest
83. What do you want done with your body when you die = it doesn't really matter what i want done with my body considering the fact that people can do whatever they want with me regardless of my opinion when i'm a dead body
84. Who is your worst enemy? = to many
85. If you could have any animal for a pet = cat and mice (have both)
86. Ever been to Belgium? = no
87. What are 3 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to? = boston, seattle (with dan) or san fransisco
88. What's something you wish you could understand better? = so many things, world religion, politics, people, the world, and a millin other things
89. Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time? = my cousin kristi
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9:56 pm - Here's the news.....
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We begin this very rare update(so rare that many of you on my friends list will probablly miss this entry) with a list of recent events that have occured over the last few month. These will be elaborated on after in order of their appearance on the list. In no particular order....
- Our vocalist quit
- I bought myself a car
- My ankle is broken
- I'm progressivley getting into death metal more
Not much of a list but, what kind of interesting things happen in my life anyway. First on the agenda, Our singer finally quit/ got kicked out after months of being flakey and unreliable. He ditched us in the last show we played. Incidentally the same show i broke my ankle at. BUt anyway, Since he has left we feel more like a band again. We don'e have to worry about his approval on things we do anymore. Also, he has become jaded on the whole hardcore thing. Which i don't understand, How could anyone get fucking sick of hardcore. And he didn't even get into indie or emo like most of the people who get jaded out of hardcore. He got himself into shitty radio hip-hop. Don't ask I have no idea why.
Second on the agenda, Afew months ago I has the money saved to finally but myself a car. It's a buick station wagon bought for efficiency and nececcity more than desire. If the car was bought out of desire it would have been my chevy el-co. but no, I bought this car so it could haul band equipment.I have it stickered up and it looks fucking cool as a staion wagon can look. So, i'm fairly proud of that.
Thirdly, My ankle is broken all to shit. At the show, after my band played our set. I was knocked over during the next bands set and some fucking dude wasn't paying attention and stepped all over my ankle and fractured it. The fracture is in a key bone in the joint of the foot and ankle. If it does not heal correctly, the bone will die. It is impossible to cast because it is in a joint that is so important. So in order for it to heal i have to wear an ankle boot. Fun stuff. Also, it's wonderfull to know that i was walking on the break for about 2 1/2 weeks thinking it was a sprain before actually finding out it was broken.
Lastly, the last few months I have been really getting into death and black metal. So, along with being completely obcessed with hardcore i can now add death metal to the agenda also. Which is good. Metal is completely nuts. I'm glad I'm opening up to it. And for those of you who think i may give up hardcore for metal, Your barking up the wrong fucking tree, I love hardcore to death and i never intend to get out of it or ditch it for another music genre.
well, thats about it. I'm going to do a meaningless survey now and then post it.
Xstraight edgeX
current mood:  gloomy
current music: VADER
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| Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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10:05 pm - The results of this quiz sound way to badass not to post.... hear hear to laying waste!
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| Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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11:11 pm
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Nothing much has been going on in my life. Same type of repetitive shit that i always do. work, school, occasionally hanging out with ani, when our work scheduals allow it. I really got sick of the computer for a long fucking time. The last two days have been my first computer ventures in I don't know how long. I'm saving up for some wheels, but sadly the wheels i will be getting aren't the ones i have been lusting over for the last year or two. No 71 chevy ss ell camino for russell's first car. i have conceded to the fact that my first car will be some shitty undesirable piece of crap. Why? because i am sick of my dad bitching about me using his car. Anything that he thinks is wrong with it, even the most minute thing, Is automatically my fault. I'm really sorry to those that i chat online with. I know i've lost touch and it's not cool. Hopefully i'll see you guys online sometimes (i.e. ani dan and becky) I miss you guys. BUt yes. My life is not that entertaining so i'm going to end this here for now. Till the next time, whenever that is....
Xstraight edgeX
current mood:  apathetic
current music: never enough demo
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| Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
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10:46 pm - fuckety fuck...
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Things haven't been going well at all. I can't see her. fucking work. All this lame shit needs to end already. Ani i miss you very very much, i already explained that to you. Dan, call me up sometime, i miss talking to you. Becky, where are you? did you die or something? I haven't seen you online in weeks.
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| Monday, July 21st, 2003
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11:45 pm - fucking bastards...
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ok so i guess my work is rehiring some bastard ass girl that used to work there before i got hired. It's been said that she worked there for at least 5 years before she had to quit because she left for college. I guess she is a real tight ass fuckhead. Or so i'm told from other employees. I'm really not looking forward to this. Also, apparently she is a huge huge snitch. I don't want to deal with that kind of bullshit. I'll end up getting fired working with a person like that. Fucking wonderful. But yeah, thats all I'm going to say about that, cuz i'm totally disgusted about it. SOrry just had to vent about that. Otherwise things are going fairly well.
xStraight Edgex
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| Saturday, July 19th, 2003
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11:38 pm
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First time online in forever. I thought i would mark this momentus occasion with a journal entry. I haven't really felt up to being on the computer as of late. I'm somewaht sick of it, to be frank. But here i am contradicting myself, because i'm sitting here. On the computer. Anyway, things haven't been so well lately. With the exception of seeing ani sometimes. And that hasn't even happened lately because two people quit and work and i'm making up their hours. I haven't been able to see her all week. And to top that off i've been in this pathetic depressed rut as of late along with intense self-criticism. NOt to good. The only prgress that was made in that situation was the fact that ani was there to talk to me and help me out with alot of the things that were bothering me. So, in essence, I'm feeling much better than i was. I'm no longer on the point of tears about certain things. Which is a very good sign in my opinion. I just miss ani a shitload right now. And due to certain circumstances I haven't been able to see her. But anyway, I'm done for now. I'm going to go read. If ani, becky, or dan (who i belive is at a fest of some sort) see me online, gove me an i.m. i miss talking to you guys. till I waste my brain on the computer again.....
Xstraight edgeX
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| Saturday, July 12th, 2003
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10:58 pm - the world is ending....
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Fucking christ, i think the world would collapse in upon itself if someone had the decent courtesy to say please when they order something. I swear to god it would.
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